Walking on the grass. - Triumph Bobber Forum
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 04-07-2018, 02:16 AM Thread Starter
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Walking on the grass.

The room was
full of pregnant women with their husbands.

The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.Walking is especiallybeneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.

Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surfacelike grass."
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you togo walkingwith her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowlyraised his hand. "Yes?" said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right, if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Chico
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 04-07-2018, 03:19 PM
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Once an ambitious biology teacher wanted to illustrate his students the consequences of environmental pollution to animal life on earth. So he did a simple experiment:

He put rain worms in different glasses, the 1st filled with whiskey, the 2nd filled with nicotine, the 3rd filled with sperm and the last filled with fresh water.

Next day they looked after the worms and lo and behold:

The worm in the whiskey: dead!
The worm in the nicotine: dead!
The worm in the sperm: dead!

But the worm in the fresh water had survived and was vitally allive!

The teacher asked his students: Now, what can we learn from this experience?

Some painful long seconds there was silence in the auditorium....

Then a girl in the last row stood up and stated:

If we drink, smoke and **** enough, then we w'ont get worms!
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 03:45 AM
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Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Annabel and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?

She asks, "What?"

"SEX!!!"

Annabel exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

"I know," Howard says, "but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while."

"Well, I can oblige", says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Annabel would hold Howard's manhood. Then,
one night, Howard didn't show up at their usual meeting place.

Alarmed, Annabel decided to find Howard and make sure that he was O.K. She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident-who was holding Howard's manhood!

Furious, Annabel yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does she have that I don't have?!"

Howard smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's
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that does not grow in every ones garden.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 06:47 AM
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A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.

"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang
of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her
alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily
tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out
his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or
I'll kick the #$%$ out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago..."
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-30-2018, 07:11 AM
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Ok, one more...

WORLD’s SHORTEST FAIRYTALE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The GIRL SAID 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-01-2018, 12:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerrman View Post
Ok, one more...

WORLD’s SHORTEST FAIRYTALE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The GIRL SAID 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END
WHY did nobody tell me this fairytale when i was a child !!!!!!!!!

Common Sense is a flower
that does not grow in every ones garden.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-01-2018, 08:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerrman View Post
Ok, one more...

WORLD’s SHORTEST FAIRYTALE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The GIRL SAID 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END
I do all of that and I'm married. Okay, I don't hunt, fish or play golf but I could if I wanted to. (I prefer riding my motorcycle, sailing and SCUBA.)
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-01-2018, 08:47 AM
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Originally Posted by gfspencer View Post
I do all of that and I'm married. Okay, I don't hunt, fish or play golf but I could if I wanted to. (I prefer riding my motorcycle, sailing and SCUBA.)
Another sailing motorcyclist here too!!
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-01-2018, 10:14 AM
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Another sailing motorcyclist here too!!
I actually learned how to sail on a Wayfarer at a sailing school in Instow Bideford. When I got back to the States I bought a Flying Scot. The boat is gone now. I got too old and stiff to single hand it.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-01-2018, 01:10 PM
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I left dinghies about 15 years ago, and now have a Colvic Victor 35 cruiser... Not yet too old and stiff to sail that!

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